I went rock climbing!

I was already able to check something off of my New Years Bucket List I talked about in my last post – rock climbing!

This was a really important list item for me too – it is something I’ve always been interested in trying, but never did because I was terrified of failing. I’d watch my sister or friends climb up a wall like it was nothing, and I “knew” that I couldn’t do it. I was “inferior to them in strength and agility”, “way too weak”, and terrified of heights. Notice that some of those are in quotes – I was probably wrong in my knowing.

One thing I’ve learned during this journey I’ve been on is that mindset is SO incredibly important. Every single day at CrossFit, I “know” that I can’t do the workout and that I’ll finish last – and every single day I surprise myself. I often try to convince the coach to let me scale a workout because I “know” I can’t do it in the allotted time – he always tells me no, and I always finish.

Trust your body, trust your coaches, trust the process.

I’m still not particularly strong, I did struggle with some of the routes when I was rock climbing – but I made it to the top of some of them! After years of telling myself that I wasn’t strong enough, I was convinced that I wouldn’t even be able to get off the ground because I would just fall off the wall on my first try. I didn’t.

And I learned that I LOVE the mental and physical challenge of solving a problem. I wish I had tried years ago, because then I could have been doing an activity I so thoroughly enjoy for longer than a week. Right now, I’m on very beginner routes, and my strength does give out in some places – but now I know I’m capable and I’m so excited to improve.

I need to stop letting fear tell me what I know, and instead listen to my body to actually learn what it is capable of doing.

I think that’s a great lesson to focus on, and I’m so excited to see what else that mindset will bring this year.

Happy New Year!

New Year, New You. Right?

Well, that is what I’ve told myself countless times. Every year I get excited for improving myself….for about a month. Somehow, January has become a time for me to set unrealistic goals, try to achieve them, get discouraged, and then quit. Such a great way to start the year – setting myself up for disappointment that follows me the rest of the year.

Not this time.

In the last few months, I have been far more successful with my exercise and eating habits than I have in YEARS. Why? Because I finally had the mental shift it required.

It wasn’t a Monday. It wasn’t January. It wasn’t a typical “start” time for me. It was a random day in July when I finally decided enough was enough and reset my priorities. I easily could have continued to put it off. I could have said “tomorrow”, “next week”, or “next month”. Continued on with the same old “eh, maybe later” that I’ve had in the past.

I truly believe that my past failures were because I wasn’t mentally in the game. I started when I was supposed to start because it was what I should do. I tried to lose weight in January. I tried to lose weight leading up to my wedding. I tried to lose weight for the summer.

None of that worked. Sure, maybe I lost a pound or two – but never much, and it never stuck. I was focused on the wrong things, and none of it clicked. I wanted to have my cake and eat it too (and boy do I love cake). I wanted a quick weight loss to look good for a particular moment – because that’s what society told me I needed. But it wasn’t what I needed, not even close. All it did was make me question why I was such a failure and why I couldn’t do what I was “supposed” to do.

And I had enough. I’ve finally found a plan that works for me, something that I love. Sure, I did the Whole Life Challenge, and I’m doing another one starting in a few weeks – but that was successful BECAUSE I was already working. It was the accountability I needed to keep going through difficult things. I’ve been able to mostly keep up with that though, because my mind and body are finally in agreement. The holiday season was difficult – but so, so much better than it has been in years past.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. So this year, because I know my resolutions have never worked, I’ve decided on a different strategy. Instead of coming up with a New Years Resolution, I’ve come up with a New Years Bucket List and my husband and friends are keeping me accountable to finish it.

Some of the things on it are easy for me, others are so far out of my comfort zone I don’t even know how they ended up on the list.  But I’m going to chip away at it so I can fill my new year with experiences and memories to last a life time. I’m making amazing progress with my fitness goals, now I need to make time for myself to learn and grow in so many ways so that I can be my best self.

on my bucket list:

1. Go on a backpacking trip that has at least one overnight.
2. Try rock climbing, even if it’s just on a wall (this one is actually already scheduled! Signed up for a class last night)
3. Try stand up paddleboarding
4. Go horseback riding
5. Make (and wear) a cosplay out of my comfort zone
6. Do a pull-up, even if it uses a band for assistance
7. Do an obstacle course race (probably Tough Mudder)

I may add to this, but I think its a pretty good start! Really excited to see what 2017 brings!

When do I become a ___??

How long does it take to become a runner? Swimmer? CrossFitter? Writer? Cosplayer? Yogi? Artist?

How much do you have to do or know before you can identify yourself that way? How many people do you need to know, or experts do you need to consult?

Is it when you know the lingo? Or when you’re good enough to teach someone else? What about when you’re recognized by professionals? Have a degree or certificate? When you look a certain way? Or own a certain piece of equipment?

No.

It is as soon as you start doing the thing.

Do you run? You’re a runner.
Do you swim? You’re a swimmer.
Do you write? You’re a writer.
You get the idea.

I struggled with this for a long time after I started CrossFit. I don’t LOOK like a CrossFitter. I’m overweight and out of shape. I don’t have giant muscles. I can’t run for very long. How could I possibly call myself a CrossFitter?

Because I put in the work, that’s why. I show up each morning and give it my best effort.

You don’t need permission from anybody else to identify yourself in a certain way. You aren’t a fake just because you’re “not good yet”. I’m a cosplayer because I make and wear costumes – they don’t look professional yet by any means. I’m a yogi because I do yoga several times a week as my workout recovery. I’m a blogger, because I’ve started writing blog posts – even if I don’t have very many or because they aren’t perfect.

You are what you do. We’re always on a journey, you don’t have to reach a destination first. No matter how good you get at something, there will always, always be room for improvement.

In the words of Rog Law from Rog Law Fitness (http://roglawfitness.com/)

“Fake it until you make it” is some level 99 dark wizard bullshit advice…If you’re doing the thing, even if it looks like a hot ghetto mess, then you’re not faking it.

Give yourself some credit (which will encourage you to keep doing the thing), make improvements when you can, and enjoy the ride.”.

It doesn’t matter how you look or what you wear. It doesn’t matter what you know. What matters is what you do. Always.

Define yourself. Don’t wait for somebody else to define you. You are the author of your own story, you make those decisions. If you do something, own it!

Is there an identifier you’ve been wanting to use for yourself, but you’ve been too afraid to embrace? Take the first step – just tell one person. Even if that one person is yourself. That’s ok – you’re the only one that really matters anyways.

Camp Nerd Fitness!

photo by Will Byington (http://www.willbyington.com/)

This past weekend I had the amazing opportunity to attend Camp Nerd Fitness. It was five glorious days of exercise and learning surrounded by 450 beautiful people.

If you’re unfamiliar with Nerd Fitness, stop reading my blog and go there now. Seriously. http://www.nerdfitness.com Created by Steve Kamb, it has information on nutrition, exercise, mindset, and life in general. I honestly think Nerd Fitness saved my life.

Let me give you a little background. In high school, my self esteem was at an all-time low. I was fat, tired, and miserable. I had disordered eating and an issue with compulsive exercise. I was surviving on maybe 500 calories a day, had marching band practice four days a week for several hours, and went running multiple times a week. However, because I never looked “sickly” nobody really noticed. Instead, everyone complimented me on my weight loss, they told me how amazing I looked, told me to keep up the good work. So I did. Add to this barely sleeping, staying up until 4AM doing homework, I ended up tired all the time and my immune system was unable to work properly – resulting in overlapping mono and pneumonia. I missed almost two months of school. Still, this didn’t make me realize I was doing anything wrong. People continued to tell me how great I looked.

When I went to college, I knew something was wrong with my nutrition – and vowed to fix it. In “fixing” it, I made a complete U-turn. I started overeating and bingeing. Freshmen 15? No, I gained over 50 pounds my freshman year. And hated myself for it. I developed all sorts of intestinal issues and was often in excruciating pain. (I recently was diagnosed with IBD, possible Crohn’s, as my tests were inconclusive. I did not feel up to going through more tests and have so far been able to control symptoms with my diet. If I ever can’t, then I will go back for more testing.) I started going to therapy for depression – but still refused to talk about food issues. I transferred schools, feeling that my surroundings were adding to my depression issues and did end up happier at my new school. The rest of my college career, I knew I was at an unhealthy weight and hated how I looked, but I was terrified of attempting to diet again. Every time I tried to count calories or work out, I started slipping back into my obsessive behaviors from high school.

Finally, in 2014 I discovered Nerd Fitness. From there, I discovered the paleo or “caveman” diet. Cutting out processed foods, added sugar, grains, and legumes immediately made my intestinal issues disappear. I was at first worried about cutting out whole food groups, so I spoke to my doctor about it. She told me if I felt good, if I felt healthy, then that was the right thing for me to do. If I ever felt weak or shaky or felt any other health issues, then it wasn’t. I felt amazing! The paleo diet seriously changed my life, and Nerd Fitness lead me to it. I no longer had to count calories, did not need to obsess. I finally had an eating plan that was healthy for me.

So, that’s a little bit of background, back to Camp! Camp Nerd Fitness was started three years ago and I’ve been wanting to go ever since. It is the safest, most welcoming environment I have ever experienced.

Located in Clayton, Georgia, camp lasts Wednesday afternoon through Sunday morning. I was able to try so many new things – Brazilian jiu jitsu, hip hop dance, self defense, parkour, sword fighting, and so much more. There were workshops on nutrition and cooking, body positivity, emotions, mobility, drawing, and juggling. And there was always gaming: both board games and video games.

For those five days, not once did I feel judged. I felt welcomed and accepted. Encouraged. Wanted. Powerful. I laughed. I cried. I made new friends. And I feel like a changed person. I learned that who I am is enough. That it is ok to love myself even if I’m not “perfect”. That I can forgive myself when I don’t eat what I know I should. The experience was indescribable, and exactly what I needed. I now have a huge virtual network of supporters as I continue my health and fitness journey. I have new tools in my tool belt for continuing to make improvements in my life, and I can’t wait to get started.

If you ever get the opportunity to attend Camp Nerd Fitness, I highly encourage it. If not, check out the forums on their website and find your own virtual network. They don’t care who you are or what you look like – everyone there just wants to help you get where you’re going. I don’t think there is any other community quite like it, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.